For privacy protection, I am not going to mention the university name.
The second semester has come to an end. I am so glad I applied for the job I currently have. To work at one of the universities in a group of eight was my dream job.
On the day when I was contacted by the unit coordinator of this uni, I was very delighted. Finally, my day on getting my foot on the dream job has come! Being accepted to work professionally along with great staffs is another level of experience. To this day, I am very grateful for the door that was opened to me.
Starting out was very exciting and put me on my nerve. What if I do something wrong? What if I don’t know how to explain it? What if I need to debate with my students? What if they don’t like my teaching style?
Lots of ideas came to my mind. I did not know how to handle it. I still remember the very first week joining the team, I was very scared. Attended the team meeting was a good idea for me to start off. Then came the day where I need to be the main actress for the show! I was nervous, I did my prep but it was not enough….
I read a lot from the cheat sheet, I could not express myself properly – not in the way I wanted. Having a young face people thought I was a student and some of them came to me asking if I would like to join their group for the semester.
Started talking some words, did my brief intro and I saw a strange look from some students. Who is this little girl talking? Plus I’m Asian. What is wrong being Asian? I am still a human being.
The first semester was crazy. I was constantly marking the internal assessment. The arrangement of the assessment was so intense. Almost every week we have to mark, and the number of students I needed to mark was about 160-180 students per assessment. I slept for 3-4 hours when it was due, also because I was doing another two different jobs to support my life.
Then comes marking the final exam. It was my first time seeing lots of unreadable handwriting. I gotta finish that in about 10 days or so. Some other staffs were even started off marking at 7 in the morning, go for lunch and break for say about 3 hours and come back just to mark the exam until 10 at night.
Tired and pressured to finish up asap, I did not have any good night sleep on the marking period. I looked tired and also ended up marking it slowly and was talking a lotttt of my time. I just wanted to finish it soon (who likes marking anyways).
I kept going and I cheered myself up by saying “hey you can meet your family soon! hurry up and then you deserve to get the holiday!”
It did not really work.
An older staff was there to the very end and kept on encouraging me. She was so helpful, she kept on saying that I will do well, I will go home and sleep soon, though I was tired I would get my well-deserved break.
We passed the finish line together! We shouted for joy and was very very happy to have finished all the marking for the semester. Sounds very cheesy and cliché but hey that’s what I felt at least!
I came back fresh for the second semester. This time I got to work with different people in the same unit. More prepared than the first semester, I came to the class with a happy heart just to be questioned if I actually could teach, or if what I said even make any sense. Again they were questioning my skills and ability.
I was hurt and a mental breakdown. Why are you doing this to me? What have I done wrong? Am I really not qualified to teach you? Or are you actually doing this because you are forced to take the unit by the faculty just because it is a fundamental subject?
More problems arrived entering the quarter of the semester. More and more until the very end of the semester. I had lots of trouble, had lots of feeling I had to hold as it won’t be professional if you’re letting everyone knows about what’s your problems are.
Applied for sponsorship and yet it was rejected. I guess it really is not my path to take on. The door has closed yet another is opened and will lead me to a different way I suppose.
I thought I had a good and fun class every Friday just to close off my week nicely. There is this one particular person really likes to mess around with me. We parted our ways on good terms, and hopefully, that would stay like this. A group draw an angel and said it was me, all people gave an applause for the work me and my colleague have done this semester, and some people even said a proper farewell.
Before ending this post, I would like to say thank you GOD for letting me in taking this path. Thank you for molding me into a stronger person. I learned a lot. For my supporters, the biggest ones are my family and for my friends and the students who really appreciate my effort – THANK YOU!
I know thank you is not enough to express how thankful I am for your support. Thank you for cheering me up, thank you for lifting me up when I fall, thank you for BELIEVING in me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I survive and at least am leaving on a good note. In the end, it’s all fine.