In The END, It’s All Fine

For privacy protection, I am not going to mention the university name.

The second semester has come to an end. I am so glad I applied for the job I currently have. To work at one of the universities in a group of eight was my dream job.

On the day when I was contacted by the unit coordinator of this uni, I was very delighted. Finally, my day on getting my foot on the dream job has come! Being accepted to work professionally along with great staffs is another level of experience. To this day, I am very grateful for the door that was opened to me.

Starting out was very exciting and put me on my nerve. What if I do something wrong? What if I don’t know how to explain it? What if I need to debate with my students? What if they don’t like my teaching style?

Lots of ideas came to my mind. I did not know how to handle it. I still remember the very first week joining the team, I was very scared. Attended the team meeting was a good idea for me to start off. Then came the day where I need to be the main actress for the show! I was nervous, I did my prep but it was not enough….

I read a lot from the cheat sheet, I could not express myself properly – not in the way I wanted. Having a young face people thought I was a student and some of them came to me asking if I would like to join their group for the semester.

Started talking some words, did my brief intro and I saw a strange look from some students. Who is this little girl talking? Plus I’m Asian. What is wrong being Asian? I am still a human being.

The first semester was crazy. I was constantly marking the internal assessment. The arrangement of the assessment was so intense. Almost every week we have to mark, and the number of students I needed to mark was about 160-180 students per assessment. I slept for 3-4 hours when it was due, also because I was doing another two different jobs to support my life.

Then comes marking the final exam. It was my first time seeing lots of unreadable handwriting. I gotta finish that in about 10 days or so. Some other staffs were even started off marking at 7 in the morning, go for lunch and break for say about 3 hours and come back just to mark the exam until 10 at night.

Tired and pressured to finish up asap, I did not have any good night sleep on the marking period. I looked tired and also ended up marking it slowly and was talking a lotttt of my time. I just wanted to finish it soon (who likes marking anyways).

I kept going and I cheered myself up by saying “hey you can meet your family soon! hurry up and then you deserve to get the holiday!”

It did not really work.

An older staff was there to the very end and kept on encouraging me. She was so helpful, she kept on saying that I will do well, I will go home and sleep soon, though I was tired I would get my well-deserved break.

We passed the finish line together! We shouted for joy and was very very happy to have finished all the marking for the semester. Sounds very cheesy and cliché but hey that’s what I felt at least!

I came back fresh for the second semester. This time I got to work with different people in the same unit. More prepared than the first semester, I came to the class with a happy heart just to be questioned if I actually could teach, or if what I said even make any sense. Again they were questioning my skills and ability.

I was hurt and a mental breakdown. Why are you doing this to me? What have I done wrong? Am I really not qualified to teach you? Or are you actually doing this because you are forced to take the unit by the faculty just because it is a fundamental subject?

More problems arrived entering the quarter of the semester. More and more until the very end of the semester. I had lots of trouble, had lots of feeling I had to hold as it won’t be professional if you’re letting everyone knows about what’s your problems are.

Applied for sponsorship and yet it was rejected. I guess it really is not my path to take on. The door has closed yet another is opened and will lead me to a different way I suppose.

I thought I had a good and fun class every Friday just to close off my week nicely. There is this one particular person really likes to mess around with me. We parted our ways on good terms, and hopefully, that would stay like this. A group draw an angel and said it was me, all people gave an applause for the work me and my colleague have done this semester, and some people even said a proper farewell.

Before ending this post, I would like to say thank you GOD for letting me in taking this path. Thank you for molding me into a stronger person. I learned a lot. For my supporters, the biggest ones are my family and for my friends and the students who really appreciate my effort – THANK YOU!

I know thank you is not enough to express how thankful I am for your support. Thank you for cheering me up, thank you for lifting me up when I fall, thank you for BELIEVING in me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I survive and at least am leaving on a good note. In the end, it’s all fine.

 

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A Pair of Hand

Humans are given two hands to operate and live the life. However, not everyone is perfect. Some of them are only given one hand by God, and some lost their hands because of an accident or disease or other reasons, not given any.

Given the pair of hand given, it does make everything easier to handle compared to having only one hand or no hand at all. BUT, it is not a solid answer to say “those who are not ‘completed’ cannot do anything and are weaker than those who are completed”. Hey! I have seen a lot of people do even a lot better than normal humans! They created amazing artworks using their mouth or other parts of the body. Some of them even entered a Paralympic and won! They are great athletes, great artists, great human being. They inspired others through their disabilities and it is AMAZING!

These people even have a higher living spirit and strive to do even better and better and better. They keep on improving and keep on overcoming their challenges. I know everyone has their own story, has their own problems they have to encounter and solve. Unfortunately, most of the people take things for granted. We have two hands and a complete set of the human body but we are still complaining about life and give up easily.

Speaking of a pair of hand, I recently talked to my good friend that has been living together with me since 3-4 years ago. She has completed her bachelor degree, so CONGRATULATIONS to you girl! In the past, we argue a lot because both of us have a strong character. We had different opinions and when we look back to the first semester when we met, we are completely different persons now. We have changed, we grow together, we improve together, and we overcame our own problems too. We collided a lot and naturally, it just fell to its place and we became good friends.

We are both international students that came to Australia to study. Now both of us are graduated (she definitely passed the study requirements!), it feels different. We are having a different path that we have to take. We have to part our ways. It does not mean that in the future we cannot meet up or be involved in each other’s life. It’s just a bit hard because we are originally not from the same country and with a different environment, it will be hard to relate to one another and tell the stories.

I learned a lot from her and she also made me who I am today. Just recently we had a good late night talk and discuss where life would take us. I told her I wish we all could stay living near each other (and she is just living in a neighbouring country – not like she is living on the other side of the world LOL) and share stories and do what we’re currently doing. I know it’s unrealistic and I know it’s time for us to take a different route.

So here we are …

I asked her what it would be like in the next 5-10 years? Would our friendship still be the same? Would our current close friends in 2017 still be around in 2027? What our life would be by then? And she said, well it takes two hands to clap. If the other one is not making an effort to clap the other hand, then you are not able to make a clap. It’s the same as having a high-five.

You are there offering your hand to your friend to make a high-five but if you’re ignored then your hand will not be welcomed and your effort will be wasted down the drain. It’s the same as friendship. Good friends will stay no matter what. I can prove that. Another college friend went to the same uni but in a different country and up till now, we’re still friends and still share things. True it’s not as intense as before but both of us make the effort to keep the friendship and so we are still here.

No matter where life takes us if you are still making the effort to stay in touch with your mates, family members, and (ex) colleagues and the other party is also making the effort then clap together. Get that high-five! Pat each other on the back and say “hey friend, well done”.

*This post is dedicated to a good friend of mine. Thank you for the friendship. Lessons learned. Keep on improving. Keep on striving. Keep on smiling and enjoying the life like the way we are currently doing now. Goodbye is always hard and so here you go: Goodbye. Stay in touch and take care! 🙂

 

Do You Remember Me?

I went back home to visit my family when on one of the evenings I went to the nearest cafe and on the way home I met this childhood friend of mine. Our house is actually just 5 houses apart. We went to the same primary school and we were good friends until we completed our sixth grades. Starting from the year seven onwards until we finished our high school, we went to different school.

We also have different beliefs but it is not a barrier for us to be friends because diversity is great! Our parents also know each other as we’re neighbours. Once a year, we take turns to send a gift to respect each other especially during Hari Raya (the events celebrated by religious people such as Christmas, Eid Mubarak, Vesak, etc).

We grew apart because we never meet each other and because we did not attend the same school anymore, so we stop exchanging gifts. When I saw him, I was surprised at how he looks like. He looks the same as he did 10-15 years ago – it’s just his hair is now longer. I was wondering if he remembered me. True we were good friends but that happened when we were so young.

While I’m currently considered as someone from Generation Y, the situation is completely different from people from Generation X. Take my parents as an example, they are still close with their childhood friends though they are not living in the same area as they did when they were kids. They still hang out together just to have some meals together and catch up. Even the cohesiveness of the group is still very tight! Hundreds or even thousands notification appear from the group chat every day, I repeat, EVERY FREAKING DAY is just normal to happen.

To me now even it’s hard to talk to my childhood friends. We still share the same bond because we grew up together, but things changes as always. We are not living in the same neighbourhood, not attending the same uni, not working in the same corporation, and some of us are not even living in the same country. It’s just funny how things work (maybe) better back then during my parents time.

 

Sometimes I’m wondering what will happen to our friendship?

Would we be able to talk to one another and share what is happening in our life like today?

Or are we going to grow apart and will not work on our friendship?

 

It takes two hands to clap. If the one hand is not welcoming the other hand, then you’ll be hanging until the other one is ready. Well, it’s not really worth your effort if even after so many times trying your hand is not welcomed by the other one.

We may not remember what happened in 2017, but sure we will remember some of the good times!

A Man Of His Word

Nope, I’m not talking about the book series by Dave Duncan – I haven’t read the books myself. This is something that I really find it interesting and the value that I hold since I was young.

My grandpa was a strict man. I lived together with him since I was born until I moved to Australia to pursue my bachelor degree and he went back to heaven.

Anywayyy, my grandpa taught me to always follow the rules. One of the rules is to always keep my word. Don’t give empty promises. If I promise to come to a meeting then I will come on time. I rarely take things for granted so when I was younger I had a lot of disappointment because I trusted people’s word. I thought if they promised that they will come or to do something, they will do. In the adult world apparently, it acceptable to miss the deadline or to give away empty promises. The answers of an invitation could only just because it is a courtesy for you to answer the question now so just he/she won’t bother you with another question or nag then ask you to come.

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That’s maybe an easy way out but hey you cannot treat everyone like that always. People have their own limit and by keeping on repeating what you’re not supposed to do will create a certain image – not a good one I would say.

I have been dealing with lotsa friends that said he/she will come to have dinner together told us to lock the date but just a couple of days before the meeting, he/she will suddenly disappear without saying anything. That’s annoying. I might be able to do something better or to make an appointment with another person instead or even to have some rest. Why bail out at the last-minute?

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